November 20, 2009 |
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COMMENTARY Communication, truth lead to strong Catholic marriagePosted: 10.23.09 VENICE | Sacred Scripture begins with the creation of the world and of man and woman as made in the image and likeness of God, and concludes that the intimate community of life and love which constitutes the married state has been established by the Creator! “It is not good that the man should be alone.” The woman, “flesh of his flesh,” that is, his counterpart, his equal, his nearest in all things is given to him by God as a “helpmate”; she represents God from whom comes our help (Gn 2:18-25). Traditional Catholic belief and teaching holds that marriage is not just a purely human institution despite the many varieties it may have undergone through the centuries in different cultures, social structures and spiritual attitudes. The well-being of the individual person and of both human and Christian society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life. Marriage is a sacrament, that outward sign instituted by Jesus Christ, to give grace, the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves mankind. Why then do some husbands and wives settle for a common life rather than a sacrament of marriage when they go though a marriage ceremony? One answer to the above question is that many young people today forget Sacred Scripture. They blur the difference between a common life and a marriage as they embrace only cultural and social structures of a common life. Religious practice is relegated for them to those people who follow antiquated prohibitions in life – a common life is concrete and easier; it is the things and other people that they join together, such as the house, furniture, bank account and mutual friends and family members. Another is that they do not realize that good marriages do not just happen; they are consciously and deliberately made! Setting up a common life is nothing like making a marriage! As St. Paul wrote “for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one.” With civil divorce/dissolution touching 50 percent of marriages today, husbands and wives need to remember before the marriage ceremony that the division of a common life is far less difficult than dealing with the devastating consequences of a failure to be self-revelatory, understanding of self and other, and caring and sacrificing for the good of the other partner. The matrimonial union of man and woman, as Jesus taught, is indissoluble: God himself has determined it, or as Jesus said, “What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder” (Mt 19:6). In daily life, however, people change their minds, and the elements of the common life are dissolvable through the civil courts because of the “hardness of their hearts.” A marriage, as established by the Creator, is spiritual and more difficult; it involves a mutual commitment by each spouse to three progressive steps: self-revelation, understanding and caring in the sense of sacrifice. Self-revelation is that ability to tell the other party what is truly going on behind “closed eyelids.” Truthful disclosure to the other party about one’s thoughts and feelings, hopes and fears is the first step to making a marriage. Self-revelation leads to the second step: understanding of self and other, as unique individuals and as a unique couple. Only people who are self-revelatory and understanding can achieve the third step to make a marriage: caring! Caring is more than that feeling of closeness; it is the ability to sacrifice and put the good of the other before oneself in everything – material goods, friendships, emotional welfare, even sexual activity. Father Espelage, Order of Friars Minor, is Judicial Vicar and heads the Tribunal for the Diocese of Venice. He is also the former executive coordinator of the Canon Law Society of America. The Tribunal can be reached at 941-484-9543.
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