Florida Catholic | Counseling men vital to abortion prevention, healing

Counseling men vital to abortion prevention, healing

One in an occasional series of columns about Project Rachel post-abortion ministry in Florida.

ENRICO C. FILIPPINI | SPECIAL TO THE FLORIDA CATHOLIC

Published: 11.05.08

Before becoming involved in abortion counseling for men, the pro-life movement had always been something of which I had been a nominal member. My thought process was, “Hey, I am a fervent Catholic youth who accepts the church’s moral authority. Therefore I am pro-life by default!” However, in this thought process existed a massive disconnect from the frightening human realities which are precipitated by legal abortion.

My opportunity to bridge this disconnect came in December 2007 when the local women’s clinic, Open Door, asked male members of the Florida State University Catholic Student Union to be bold in the struggle for life and volunteer as counselors to the men who accompanied women seeking abortions. After a month and a half of role-playing with the seasoned female counselors, my first real session arrived. Butterflies gripped me and I found myself panicked over whether those role-plays would be at all helpful. Would he feel attacked? Would he have questions I couldn’t answer? Would he get belligerent? God was present, however, and immediately there was a peace between us in our conversation.

The man was similar to me in so many ways: young, in college, had a girlfriend, had career ambitions, but nevertheless didn’t have much figured out. His reason for seeking an abortion was primarily economical. He wanted to be a father one day and his vision of fatherhood was admirable. However, he balked at the idea of having a child now. A child seemed incompatible with the desire to finish school and establish a solid financial base. A child meant unplanned stress and hard work. I attempted to explain that there is a vast array of services available for unplanned pregnancies to young couples and that a child was by no means a death sentence to his future. This information seemingly had not entered his decision process before that day.

Another telling part of the session was his opinion that, as a man who doesn’t physically carry the baby, he didn’t really have much say in the matter. His job was to support whatever decision his girlfriend made about her pregnancy. I encouraged him in his support and obvious affection for her, but also challenged him to make his vision of responsible fatherhood a present reality, to take charge and get the help that is available.

I found that the dual principles of affirmation and challenge were key to reaching this man. As a man, he definitely did not need to be berated for an hour on the evil of abortion or the eternal consequences he would face as a result of his complacency. On the other hand however, laying down a challenge is always useful for inciting virtue within a man. Our time ended there on a hopeful note. He was very grateful for the information given and assured me that he would, “think about it.” He even tried recruiting me as a partner for his fledgling business venture, but I think I was right to decline his invitation.

I left this encounter with a deep sense of injustice. This man showed me that abortion had taken so much from not just the victimized children and women, but from the men who are pushed out of the decision with the voice of the culture of death whispering, “You don’t have a say. You did your part. Move on.” Such realities for young men like him are simply not acceptable. As men, he and I are called to far greater heights of joy and satisfaction. Abortion only seeks to stifle that calling and leave us lazy and selfish, blazing trails of brokenness in pursuit of our own pleasures.

Filippini is administrative assistant for social concerns/respect life for the Florida Catholic Conference and a Project Rachel volunteer for the Diocese of Pensacola-Tallahassee.

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