Florida Catholic | Joyful Again Offers New Beginning For Widows, Widowers

Joyful Again offers new beginning for widows, widowers

PEGGY DEKEYSER | FLORIDA CATHOLIC PENSACOLA-TALLAHASSEE BUREAU EDITOR

Published: 06.06.08

PENSACOLA | It’s not for those still devastated by grief so fresh it makes one want to scream and shriek to the heavens. It’s for those who have settled back into a routine – although nothing seems normal – and who are dealing with the slow, cold sleepwalking realization that their loved one is gone from this life forever.

The title of the seminar, Joyful Again, seems to be a stretch, a far-distant goal for the widows and widowers who enroll. Yet the time spent in retreat with others who are in similar places on the path to healing a loss brings closure, and a desire to move on with life.

Donna O’Rourke lost her husband, Dan, 88, to Parkinson’s disease and dementia in January 2007. In the days following his funeral, she participated in a bereavement group. Within a few months, she was ready for a “next step” in the grieving process. Her pastor, Msgr. Mike Cherup, gave her a flier for Joyful Again and suggested she might give it a try.

“I figured that if the diocese planned it, it must be worthwhile, so I signed up. I felt it would be helpful,” O’Rourke said.

What she found was a compassionate group that made her feel instantly comfortable, she said. Four other participants and a deacon constituted the group.

“It was very helpful in recognizing the feelings that are common to people who are bereaved. It was a safe environment in which to share those feelings, guilt and others, with people who would understand. You can’t do that with people who haven’t experienced loss. They don’t understand and it’s just not the same,” O’Rourke added.

While each individual experiences the grief process in their own unique way, there are many common feelings that they pass through on the way to healing, according to Louise Ritz, director of the diocesan Office of Marriage and Family Life, sponsors of Joyful Again.

“We’re providing an experience to share their grief in a safe place and receive support on the journey toward healing. I’ve seen a great deal of bonding between the participants,” she said.

Lingering issues that fester if not resolved include “have they said goodbye, have they been able to bring closure,” Ritz said. Sacramental reconciliation and a healing service are available as part of the retreat, complete with components for the healing of hurts and anger.

Pam Payne felt like she was “in a coma for two years” after the sudden death of her husband, Jim, in 2004. Her brother, who had been living with the couple as they cared for him in his final days of pancreatic cancer, had died just 13 days before. Pam thought that she and her husband were entering into a time of relative calm, when one morning he woke up, vomited and was dead before the paramedics arrived.

It took Payne until 2007 to begin to come to terms with everything. Msgr. Michael Reed pointed her to a conference at Sacred Heart Miracle Camp in Pensacola where she met some people who had participated in Joyful Again. She decided to give it a try.

“It was hard, but I liked it. It caused me to look at some things that I hadn’t looked at. I guess I had been avoiding some issues, so it was good for me. I’ve also developed friendships with the other participants. We meet and go out to eat. It’s pleasant for me and I hope, for them, too,” Payne said.

The Joyful Again retreat brought O’Rourke closure. “It brought me to a point of accepting my loss and a realization that I have to go on with life. I began to find ways to plan for the future. I’m traveling, involved in the church and volunteer work. You have to keep busy, you can’t stop living. The more you do, helping other people, the better you feel,” she said.

Joyful Again retreats planned in Pensacola and Tallahassee

Joyful Again retreats are for widows and widowers who want to find joy in living again. With God’s help all things are possible and through him we can help ourselves and each other.

Tallahassee: Good Shepherd Parish community center, 8:30 a.m.-7:30 p.m., Saturday, June 28; and 8:30 a.m.-3 p.m., Sunday, June 29. Fee is $20 to cover costs of books, materials and food. For more details and to register, call Good Shepherd office at 850-893-1837.

Pensacola: St. Joseph Parish, Walker Building, 8:30 a.m.-5 p.m., Saturday, June 28; and 8 a.m.-1:15 p.m., Sunday, June 29. Presented by Deacon Gene Pallone with Frank and Bernadette Eggleton. Fee is $50 to cover costs of books, materials and food. For more details and to register, call Marriage and Family Life Office at 850-435-3532 or e-mail michieb@ptdiocese.org.

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Joyful Again offers new beginning for widows, widowers

Joyful Again retreats planned in Pensacola and Tallahassee

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