Florida Catholic | Couples Share Secrets Of Marriage Longevity

Couples share secrets of marriage longevity

More than 130 couples with over 5,400 years of experience have more than a few tips.

PEGGY DEKEYSER | FLORIDA CATHOLIC PENSACOLA-TALLAHASSEE BUREAU EDITOR

Published: 03.21.08

PEGGY DEKEYSER | FC
Joan and Alfred Jones of Holy Spirit Parish in Pensacola, married 67 years, were honored as the longest-married couple at the marriage jubilee Mass March 9 at the Cathedral of the Sacred Heart.

PENSACOLA | Ask a couple who have been married 67 years what the secret to staying married is and they answer in one voice, “Love.” Al and Joan Jones of Holy Spirit Parish here were the couple married longest of those observing the sacrament of marriage at the diocesan anniversary jubilee Mass March 9 at the Cathedral of the Sacred Heart.

Al Jones, with a twinkle in his eye, also recommended a “long courtship.” He clarified, “We knew each other for five weeks from the day we met to the day we got married” — Dec. 13, 1941, just six days after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor.

Joan Jones added, “We just always think of each other. If I’m going to the kitchen to get a bite to eat, I’ll always ask him if he’d like something. He does the same. We just have always done that.”

Smiling at his wife of nearly seven decades, Al said, “I wouldn’t change a thing, not a thing in all these years. She’s a wonderful lady.”

Bishop John H. Ricard, SSJ, celebrated the Mass. Msgr. Michael Reed, rector of the cathedral, and Msgr. James Flaherty, pastor of Holy Spirit Parish, concelebrated. Participants included 131 married couples who combined to represent 5,421 years of marriage. The annual Mass, celebrated in both Tallahassee (Feb. 17) and Pensacola, is sponsored by the Department of Marriage and Family Life headed by Louise Ritz, director. In all, nearly 200 couples celebrated nearly 8,000 years of marriage this year between the two Masses. The Mass honors those couples married 10, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45 and 50-plus years.

In his homily, the bishop decried the popular culture notion that meaningful, monogamous, faithful relationships between husband and wife are passé. “Today, by your presence here, you say the opposite. You say that marriage is meaningful, desirable and hope-filled,” he said.

Bishop Ricard referred to Christian marriage as a lived reality that includes “soaring above the clouds, great joy, great admiration, great love, great passion, a journey of two. It also consists of mopping floors and taking out the garbage, washing dishes and washing diapers — not at the same time — and paying bills. It is in the lived reality that we find the sacramental grace of marriage, which brings about the full sanctification of each other, a lifetime of love and ministry and witness of the presence of God.”

Referring to the day’s Gospel of John (11:1-45), the bishop said through the agape (divine) love of Jesus for Lazarus and his sisters, Martha and Mary, the three siblings’ lives were transformed. “While marriage has its elements of eros — passionate, human love — it is the presence of agape, or divine love, that helps us to forgive, to live selflessly, to respect the inherent dignity and value of the other, to place the welfare of the other above our own. The reason we are here, celebrating marriage, is because of agape love, the love that is given to us by God.”

The LaFlamme family had at least three reasons to celebrate at the Mass: Gerald and Anne LaFlamme of St. Mary Parish in Pensacola have been married 50 years. Their son Jerry and his wife, Kim, of St. Paul Parish have been married 20 years. Their son James and his wife, Trish, of Nativity of Our Lord Parish have also been married 20 years. Even though the family had a crowd to join in the festivities, their other three children weren’t able to attend.

Gerald LaFlamme attributes the family’s successful marriage pattern to “compromise.” Kim LaFlamme, accompanied by her teenage daughter, Britney, and holding her toddler son, Dalton, suggested having kids later in life as key to keeping marriage fresh. Her husband, Jerry, said the “ability to adapt” is critical. James and Trish LaFlamme agreed that love is the answer.

The LaFlammes were inspired by the accomplishment of the Joneses, married 67 years, but pointed out that together their family represented 90 years of marital happiness.

“The marriage jubilee Mass was reinstated in 1985, after a lapse of a couple of years. When we started, we included couples who had been skipped over. During Bishop (John M.) Smith’s episcopate, we began celebrating intergenerational years, and now we’re happy to notice the large number of couples who celebrate with their parents, or with their adult children or with their siblings. Bishop Ricard very much wants to recognize and honor the longevity of the couples’ commitment,” said Ritz.

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Couples share secrets of marriage longevity

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