Florida Catholic | Growing A Strong Family

How to grow a strong family? Try 40 days of Lent

HEIDI PECKHAM | SPECIAL TO THE FLORIDA CATHOLIC

Originally Published 03.06.06
Re-published: 02.22.08

Let’s Eliminate Negative Thinking. Lent is not about giving up, it is about empowerment. Lent lets us know what we can live without. It is a spiritual “Survivor” game. Lent releases us from the shackles of our wants and strengthens us with self-discipline. Sounds great! Try selling it to four kids and a skeptical husband. I was always a rather democratic type mom. I worked hard at being fair, making games out of chores and trying not to yell. But one Lent, I decided I was going to flex my parenting muscles and declare the television OFF from Ash Wednesday until Good Friday. I was scared. After all there were five of them and only one of me. My husband was supportive. He’s a news junkie and, I suspect, was mostly supportive because he traveled a lot and all the hotels had cable.

The kids started to mumble and rumble. One moaned, “Maaaa!” Creating several syllables out of only two letters. A second groaned, “Oh, no! Are we gonna hafta talk to each other?” Eyes rolled. I gained strength from the rosary in my pocket. I told the unenthusiastic family that I, too, found the idea challenging, but thought we should try it. If we succeeded, I promised them, I would make it worth their while in their Easter baskets and never bother them about Lent again.

The first week was the worst. The road trip refrains of, “Are we there yet?” turned into the home refrains of, “I’m bored!” We visited the library and wandered around. We lingered a little longer at the dinner table, laughing a little more frequently. Board games came out of the front hall closet and we replaced the missing Monopoly pieces with buttons from the sewing box. Neighborhood kids joined us after supper. Time passed. Slowly the martyrdom turned into anticipation of the end.

We survived! I think the television stayed on the entire Easter Sunday that year even if no one was watching it.

I waited. Did we have resurrection or resuscitation? Were we still the same family or had we become a better family because of our Lenten exercise? I watched. We still kept a few evenings open to play games. I think I actually caught one of the kids reading a book that was not homework.

New life in full bloom came the following spring, when much to my surprise, my children announced that we would be turning off the television! All of a sudden they took pride in their great accomplishment, in their self-discipline. They had bragging rights and they used them to encourage each other and me. We did have resurrection. We had grown as a family in values and strength. Lent is empowering; sometimes it just takes a few seasons to see it!

Peckham, diocesan secretary for pastoral ministries, is a licensed mental health counselor. This column originally appeared in the March 6, 2006, issue of the Florida Catholic.

How to grow a strong family? Try 40 days of Lent

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