Florida Catholic | Fighting Bullies With Poetry

Fighting bullies with poetry

A Carrollton High School student turns her experiences as a victim of bullying into an inspirational book.

ANNE DIBERNARDO | FLORIDA CATHOLIC CORRESPONDENT

Published: 06.06.08

Tiffany Virgin’s response to bullying was to keep a journal which she turned into a self-published book last summer. “Light on Shades of Gray” includes poetry, prose and photographs. Pictured: The 15–year–old Carrollton student shares her story at Books and Books in Coral Gables.
ANNE DIBERNARDO | FC

I thought why not get the journal out to the world through a book with the message that you can’t let bullying get to you?”
— Tiffany Virgin, 15

MIAMI | Demonstrating wisdom beyond her years, a Carrollton High School student has turned her experience as a victim of bullying into a book about love in the face of injury, and finding strength in faith.

“Light on Shades of Gray” is 15-year-old Tiffany Virgin’s inspirational response to the emotional pain penned up from years of being bullied by classmates. The book is a combination of poetry and prose meant to liberate the soul by bringing light and warmth to cold, gloomy places.

It is based on Tiffany’s journal, which she secretly turned into a book last summer. The book was intended as a surprise for her parents, orthopedic surgeon Charles Virgin and anesthesiologist Concepcion Lurie.

“The message has incredible depth of meaning for both males and females her age,” said her father. “It is best depicted by the picture of a large sea turtle swimming against a school of little fish on Page 4 of her book. When you’re growing up, everyone says ‘go with the flow’ but this is wrong for individualism. The picture says volumes about that.”

Like so many other bullying stories, Tiffany’s could have ended on a tragic note. Through her book, she hopes to dissuade other victims of bullying from taking their own lives.

“Those who reject you really need the assistance because they are lost,” she said.

In January, Tiffany shared her testimony with a packed room of 300 people at an exclusive book signing hosted by Books & Books of Coral Gables. As she signed each book, she added her encouraging message, “Always be yourself.”

“She was so touching, open and honest, and willing to share her experience,” said Tiffany’s neighbor Pat Weinman, who is spearheading an anti-bullying support group on Key Biscayne and hopes to enlist the teenager’s help. “It’s the most courageous thing a person of any age can do, especially with a long painful experience.”

WHERE TO BUY IT

Tiffany Virgin’s book, “Light on Shades of Gray,” is available from Books & Books in Coral Gables, Bal Harbour and Miami Beach (1-888-626-6576 or www.booksandbooks.com), as well as the Island Shop in Key Biscayne (305-361-1389 or theislandshop@bellsouth.net.)

Brought up Catholic, Tiffany attended a public school from first to fourth grade and St. Agnes Academy on Key Biscayne from fifth through eighth grade. She said from second grade to fourth grade she was tormented by one girl in particular who used crude language and called her names during after-school care.

“When my grandmother died she would call me and say, ‘I’m glad your grandmother died.’ My parents knew about it and tried to talk to her parents, but it was unproductive,” Tiffany said. “I also tried to attend counseling with her in order to work things out, but she didn’t want to cooperate. I felt like I did something wrong and tried to figure out why she was bullying me. I also tried to make friends with her, but I knew I had to let go.”

Ironically, Tiffany felt compassion for her offender. “I felt bad for her and tried to understand that she must be pretty unhappy for her to resort to bullying me.”

When she transferred to St. Agnes Academy, she entered a class full of students who had been together since prekindergarten.

“The girls put up their shield and didn’t want anything to do with me,” Tiffany said. “It was like I was the runt of the litter. They would butt in front of me until I was at the end of the line and they would talk about me behind my back, but close enough so that I could hear it.”

They also spoke of how she went to confession every week. Instead of saying how great her faith was, they made fun of her, saying that she was too religious.

“This really hurt my feelings,” said Tiffany, who nevertheless won the “peacemaker award” during her first year at St. Agnes.

The isolation continued in subsequent years. Counseling did not help, so her mother recommended that she find an outlet for her frustrations. That is when Tiffany began writing in her journal and her talent for writing bloomed.

Last summer, tired of the beach and the pool, she began surfing the Web and stumbled upon a self-publishing Web site. “I thought why not get the journal out to the world through a book with the message that you can’t let bullying get to you?”

Tiffany’s message to other victims of bullying is, “Never keep your anger inside you, do not care about how others judge you, and do not try to fit in because it’s not you. You have to be strong about your concept of yourself.”

It is important to have a sacred symbol to remind you of who you are, such as a crucifix, she added, citing her poem, “Sacred Symbol of My Life.”

She would like people to know that they can rely on three things: faith, family and their traditions.

“Traditions are those activities that make you feel more connected with your family,” she said, noting that because her family has always been involved in sailing, she uses sailing to feel connected to her family and find consolation.

When asked why the tone of her writings was inspirational rather than woeful, she responded, “I don’t like to write about bad things because that wouldn’t bring a solution and it just makes you feel worse. I would think about how a situation could have been worse but wasn’t because God was watching my back. I wanted to write so that if I had to go back and read it, I would feel sentiments of encouragement and relief. I would like others to experience the good things God gave them and live the promise that Jesus gave to us through his resurrection.”

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